Cat guy’s unfortunate adventure put him off pet ownership a bit. But at
the same time he was chasing cats all over Sham another friend of mine
was walking home when he saw an injured kitten. He tried to ignore
her, but she limped after him in such an arresting way he couldn’t
resist her and took her home.
This friend of mine is just inexplicable. Apparently he was in town to
collect some stuff he left here as a student ten years before, but as
it took him three months to collect it all and he then immediately
disposed; we all thought this was a cover story. Which leaves the question why didn’t he have a better one? He’s also way too rich for
someone undercover. Despite his flawless Arabic and connections with
Armajinadad, Nasrala and Assad he hates Syria and the Syrians. He
tried to live off the heath-food he’d imported with him, as there’s been too
much depleted uranium released around here for him to eat anything
produced in Syria. The nuts, iodine rich seaweed and Himalayan mountain
water having run out he’s not around anymore, and has taken most of
the mystery of the orient away with him with him. Needless to say we
hope he’ll return.
Instead of taking the cat to the vet he washed her tail stump and
suppurating wounded leg with homoeopathic silver water, which might
be, as he claims, an unrivalled disinfectant but apparently doesn’t
fix broken legs. He repeatedly forgot to buy her cat litter, so
removed the litter tray and put her on the balcony to live in her own
filth which is not one of the seven habits of the highly successful.
After he’d had her for a couple of months he ran out of food and we
went round to collect her. We were rather surprised to find our self
described green activist and animal lover friend had let the cat get
into such a state. After getting her home and washing the shit out of
her fur we could see just how bad her leg was and took her to a vet.
She threw up en route, needed a second wash and never ate again. The
vet said she’d be ok and we gave her lots of love, made her a nest and
brought her cat litter, but I think her trips round sham were just too
much, and after 3 days she died.
She chose a really inconvenient time for it. We woke up the morning
the mukhaberat were coming round to interview my flatmate (it’s
necessary for some kinds of iqamas, it’s a kind of employment benefit
for whichever goon gets sent) and found her dead. We didn’t have that
much time before the other girl and I were going, we didn’t feel like
unnecessarily bribing people nor did we want to cause problems with our
unorthodox living arrangements, but what to do with Mushys’ corpse?
We ended up on the mean streets of Mohajareen with a dead cat in a
plastic bag. We thought about burying her in a park, but didn’t want
to act too suspiciously or buy a spade. Cremating her was right out,
and the Barada is too low for us to bury her at sea in. Inevitably we
ended up putting her in a bin.
The Assad emails include Bashar’s I-tunes downloads. We can’t understand
why he’s bothered to break sanctions in order to pay for music
downloads. Why you’d respect copyright law but not human rights is
beyond me and I maintain he’s paying for that music with stolen money.
More important are the songs he’s downloaded, which include ‘Sexy and I
know it,‘ my flatmates ring tone. In the same way that Assad doesn’t
seem like a blood thirsty killer, he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy
who’d leap around yelling ‘girl look at that body, I work out.’ While
appearances are clearly deceptive according to the song he sent his
wife ‘The person that I’ve been lately, Ain’t who I wanna be’. We
don’t know whether he’s aware of the irony, but we spend a lot of time
making him a more suitable mix CD.